#ICannotBelieveISaidThat Spotlight


Since hearing about word vomit on Mean Girls in my tweenage years, I did not realize how much of thing this was until recently moving to Pennsylvania countryside, where I know no one except my mother, father, two baby brothers and dog. No wing friend to rein me in has meant major uh oh word vomit no-nos.

I drove 1,575 miles over the course of two days home to Amish territory from Austin, TX. This was post twenty-hour break up (yes it actually lasted that long, and we needed to break for dinner, The Voice and sleep) from my double-dealing-old-assed-vain -balless-wonder-nightmare of a boyfriend (if I am allowed to call him that, it is a lot of pressure after only eight months of dating). Upon departing for my road trip, Sir Performs-A-Lot, decided, crying, desperate, he wanted me “to stay in Austin even though he didn’t want to be with me… he wanted me around just in case his feelings change.” He found my last nerve, and smashed it. (There are lots of other reasons I was back and forth about going home. For a fuller story see To Infinity And Beyond).

A week later, and I was happily settling in at home. He had checked in a few times because he suddenly cared about my well-being and safety. For whatever reason, this feeling of “awww he cares!” began to overwhelm the “what a lousy self-centered jerk” thoughts I had been feeling over the last month. Trying swallowing these feelings did not go over well.

He called before going out that night. “Hey Jilly! How’ve you been??” My guts twisting, missing him… loved the way he called me Jilly, “Yeah alright… happy to be home.” Then, came the monsoon of an idea that washed though me too fast to rein in. It hurled out my mouth, through the telephone and into his ear, “I want to know what you think of flying up here and driving me back down to Texas next weekend.”

He started to drown in my word vomit. I could not get a word in. “How could I THINK such a thing so soon!?!? Its only been a week! There’s been no time to enjoy being single, Jilly!!” Really I had no clue what had come over me. I was dumbfounded with myself. I didn’t want to leave home and go back to Texas?! Let alone spend another moment with this punk-a$$ed-m-f-er. I had just pawned off my entire apartment, settled into my home state and met a cute boy. I couldn’t believe I asked him to fly across the country to bring me back right after I said it, and two weeks later I am still in disbelief.

The call was lost (giving him benefit of the doubt). I called back three times. No answer. All I wanted to do was take it back!



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